Halloween // My Shopping Dilemma (An Ode to the Wifey)

Once upon a September dreary, while I pondered, broke and weary,

Over many a fancy and costly volume of Halloween decor—

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a calling,

As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my wallet's core—

"'Tis some itch," I muttered, "I need to buy more—

Only this and nothing more."

​

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak September;

And each separate bowl of Ramen wrought it's dying broth upon the sink's floor.

Eagerly I wished payday's morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow

More money to please my sorrow — sorrow for the missing decor—

For my lair of decorated walls my wifey had exclaimed 'No More!'—

Nameless here for evermore.

​

Presently my wants grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

"Wifey," said I, "my Love, truly your compassion I implore;

But the fact is I was just looking, and so gently you came yapping,

And so caring you came checking, budgeting my wish list I adore,

That I scarce was sure I heard you"—here I opened wide my saving's store;—

Only pennies there and nothing more.

​

Back in my recliner turning, all my soul within me churning,

Soon again I felt an itching somewhat stronger than before.

"Surely," said I, "surely there is something I can buy for my Halloween dependence;

Let me see, then, what fate is, and this mystery explore—

Let my heart be still a moment and my wife's mood explore;—

'Hon, can I not buy just one more?"

​

But the wifey, staring sternly at my sullen reflection, spoke only

A few words, as if her soul's heart finally did outpour.

Nothing further then she uttered— nor a feather in her voice fluttered—

Till I cautiously spoke too loudly, "Other friends have bought more"—

Thinking on the morrow she may allow me, as my hopes have flown before."

Then the wifey said, "Okay, but only one more."

​

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so gently spoken,

"Oh my," said I, "what she uttered is purely love and more!

Caught suddenly by my better half with an unmerciful budget composure

Followed fast and followed faster with my online viewing habits as before—

Till the wifey fell asleep and my Hope of unchecked burden was now an open door

Oh, 'she won't know while I shop a little more.'

​

Then, my desire grew stronger, buying grew denser, with ecstasy of an unchecked spender

Swung like the Shining's blood flowing out through its elevator doors

"Wifey," I cried, "thy mercy hath given one item - but I bought more than three

Jack-O'lanterns and skeletons and more for memories of a Halloween galore;

But, Oh Damn, this kind of nepenthe I am forgot the budget and has lost a night's amore!"

Quoth the Wifey, "Tonight you will be sorry, and then some more."

​

And the Wifey, unforgiving, still is steaming, still is sitting

O'er my shipment of boxes at our front door;

And her eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is sreaming,

And the lamp-light o'er her steaming throws her shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the dog house floor

Shall be guilt-ridden forever more....