Halloween // I miss decorating for Halloween

a closet full of props that I spent thousands on I used to decorate my grandma‘s and grandpa’s house every year since I was 13 (I’m 17 now) I would help take care of her lawn throughout the year and then decorate it in October. Last year she died, she was killing her self with smoking, pills and alcoholism for years so I excepted that she was going to die soon. After that we left her house and all the memories that were attached to it. I feel numb to her death because I’m stuffing my feelings down and I know it will hit me hard sometime but until then I’m just going feel sad that I’ve sold all my Halloween stuff And have have nowhere to decorate anymore